Biblical Community: Bearing With One Another in a Culture of Disconnection

Rethinking Discomfort in Relationships

We have been led to believe that we should remove ourselves from relationships that feel uncomfortable. Sometimes distance really is necessary, especially when someone is experiencing mistreatment, abuse, or repeated harm. But in most everyday relationships, we can start to treat discomfort as danger. For example, disagreement means incompatibility. Or, difficult people need to be “cut out.” We have to “protect our peace” and remove anyone who “no longer serves us.” 

But cutting out everyone who disagrees with us can feel terribly lonely, given that we are wired for community and connection. 

Why Solitude Isn’t the Same as Healing

Someone once showed me a mental health sticker that read, “Isolation is necessary for healing.” We both thought it sounded a little backward. 

Isolation is not necessary for healing. Solitude can be helpful for a season, and distance may be wise in truly harmful relationships, but healing usually happens through safe connection, honesty, support, and community. God may meet us in solitude, but He did not design us to recover from every wound by ourselves. 

The Reality of Imperfect Relationships

Real relationships require us to make room for people who are different from us, slower than us, needier than us, less emotionally articulate than us, or occasionally unaware that they have already told the same story three times. Or people who provide way too many unnecessary details, veer off on several tangents, and then forget the original point of the story they began. We have room for people like that, right? …What was I saying again? 

Community asks us to tolerate inconvenience. It asks us to attend the dinner when we would rather stay home, reply to a text within a reasonable amount of time, apologize when we feel defensive, forgive when resentment feels a lot more satisfying, and stay curious when it would be easier to assume the worst. 

The Danger of Expecting Customizable Relationships

I think part of the problem is that nearly everything else in our lives can be customized. We curate our music, social media feeds, entertainment, and even our groceries, so it makes sense that we might come to expect relationships to feel equally customizable. 

We want people who share our values, understand our humor, communicate in our preferred style, respect every boundary immediately, respond at exactly the right emotional volume, and somehow know when we need space versus when we secretly want them to pursue us.

Can I tell you something kind of hard? This person does not exist. Not even a counselor, try as we might. 

And honestly, if that person did exist, they would probably be exhausted. 

Biblical Community: Beyond Compatibility

Biblical community is not a collection of perfectly compatible people who naturally enjoy one another at all times. The church is described as a body, and bodies are connected, interdependent, and sometimes inconvenient. One part cannot simply decide that another part is annoying and therefore no longer necessary. 

Scripture tells believers to bear with one another, forgive one another, confess to one another, encourage one another, and carry one another’s burdens. Think about why those commands exist. They only make sense because people are sometimes difficult to bear with, forgive, encourage, and carry. 

Navigating Boundaries with Grace

We also tend to assume our only choices are complete closeness or complete cutoff. Either someone has full access to our life, or we remove them completely. 

But relationships can have different levels of closeness. For example, forgiveness does not always require reconciliation. Reconciliation does not automatically restore trust. Boundaries do not have to be punishments, and distance does not have to become contempt. 

Sometimes the mature response is not, “I am done with you,” but “I care about you, and this relationship needs to change.” 

Growing Through Repentance and Repair

Community also requires us to give up the idea that we are always the misunderstood or injured person in the story. Sometimes we are the difficult ones. We misread a tone, become defensive, withdraw instead of communicating, or expect someone to meet needs we never actually expressed. 

We need relationships that are gracious enough to confront us and strong enough to survive our imperfections. A healthy community asks whether there is room for repentance, repair, and growth. It remembers that people are more than their worst moments, and personally, I am very grateful for that. 

Christian community holds truth and mercy together. It says, “What happened matters,” and also, “Change may still be possible.” 

Community costs us something. That is part of what makes it real and completely worth it.

Group Therapy to Learn How to ‘Be With’ Others

If you need a safe space to practice community, Group Therapy can be a great place to learn how. Reach out to us today or check out what groups may be available via the link above.