Attachment Therapy
What Is Attachment Therapy?
You may feel like you have never really felt at home. Maybe you’ve had moments where things might seem okay on the outside, but inside you feel like running away. Or you crave something to take that gnawing, unsettled feeling away, and for that reason, you jump into any available relationship.
Attachment therapy, or more accurately, an attachment-based therapy approach, means that a counselor is focused on creating safety in the room, within yourself, and in the relationships around you. Although the term “attachment therapy” is used colloquially, it encompasses various modalities (counseling methods) that are founded on attachment theory.
Attachment Theory – Emotional Bonds Formed in Childhood
A 20th-century psychoanalyst, John Bowlby, observed the parent-child bond as a powerful emotional bond that created various behaviors based on this attachment. The imprinted experiences of these bonds shape a child’s internal representations of self and others. And these attachment relationships continue to impact the individual throughout their lifetime (Bowlby, 1969, 1982).
Think of it this way, have you ever felt like you could “hear” your mom or dad’s voice while going for that extra slice of cake? Or have you had that elusive feeling that things aren’t okay that I mentioned earlier? Those are examples of the “internal representation” Bowlby found. These are almost like old recordings that play back when a triggering event happens. Messages like “I’m not deserving,” or “worth it,” or “I am a bad person” could be some examples.
An attachment-based therapist will notice these dynamics and help you to find peace with them.
Have any questions? Send us a message!
Attachment-Based Therapy Informs a Therapist’s Work
Counselors who are attachment-focused are also those who are informed about attachment so they are able to use it in therapy. Maybe you resonate with one of the attachment styles described below.
Here is what different attachment styles might feel like (descriptions adapted from “Tailoring AEDP Interventions to Attachment Style” by Karen Pando-Mars, MFT):
● Avoidant Attachment: Conceal, don’t feel (remember Elsa from Frozen?). So much is internalized, and so little is expressed. There may be a lack of connection with self and others that protects against rejection, intrusion, and vulnerability.
● Anxious attachment: If Elsa had an avoidant attachment, the flip side would be Anna, who, because of her felt experience of abandonment, clings to Elsa. Anxious (or preoccupied/ambivalent) attachment styles can look like an “excessive focus on the other that seeks to counter the deeply ingrained fears of abandonment that arise in the wake of inconsistent caregiving” (p. 10). This can cause difficulty with receiving comfort.
● Disorganized (Unresolved/Fearful) Attachment: This type of attachment style is a tricky one because it’s actually a combination of both high avoidance and high anxiety—a push and pull. Elsa might actually fit this category as well. She has a high need for connection that stems from her past trauma, but she also pushes people away. The state of mind is unresolved (fear without a solution)---longing and fear co-arise. And according to psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, these neurological circuits cannot fire simultaneously (p. 11). Those who are supposed to protect or care for you can be the most frightening people.
● Secure Attachment: Yes, there are those with a secure attachment style. The good news is: research shows that you can earn a secure attachment if you have any of the insecure attachment patterns above. A secure attachment, or safe haven, will provide a safe base to explore new ideas and develop autonomy. It means to be fully loved and fully free.
Although not everyone may label their childhood wounding (or attachment injuries) as traumatic, at Hope Healing, we can help you understand your childhood history and attachment style more personally.
Our History With Attachment-Based Therapy
Dr. Elijah Lee has studied attachment extensively through his doctoral thesis, which focused specifically on attachment to God. His dissertation, and later a peer-reviewed journal article on this topic, is called “An Examination of Attachment to God, Individualism, Collectivism, and Differentiation of Self in Second-Generation Christian Korean Americans”*. It includes a history of how we go from childhood to adult attachment.
As a counselor and counselor educator, Dr. Elijah Lee not only has expertise in attachment theory, but he also applies it to his therapy modalities, such as EFT (Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Sue Johnson) and AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy, Diana Fosha). Both modalities emphasize the healing power of relationships. In fact, attachment is part of the culture at Hope Healing—our counselors are informed by it and seek to live lives that model it.
As you may have a unique need for clinical expertise and those who can honor your faith culture, an attachment-based therapist who is also knowledgeable in attachment to God can help.
We Would Love To Help You
At Hope Healing, we continually seek to earn your trust and create safe spaces for you to heal. We would love to walk with you through your healing journey, wherever that may be. You may already feel alone, like Anna or Elsa. Or you might be pushing people away or hiding. Come out and see us (Do you want to build a snowman?).
(* Note: You can look for the article here; however, if you do not want to purchase the copy, reach out to us, and we can get you a free copy of the dissertation and/or article.)
