Navigating Divorce: Honest Thoughts from a Christian Therapist

***Various authors contribute to blogs for Hope Healing LLC, and the writing reflects the thoughts/opinions of the original author.

DIVORCE CONTEMPLATION

As Christians, many of us have differing views and opinions when it comes to making the decision to divorce a spouse. I can personally speak to these views, as I facilitated my own divorce as a practicing Catholic. I distinctly remember the varying opinions and suggestions I received from others. I recall the questions I asked myself:

“Will the divorce help me lead a happier life?”

“Is this what God wishes for me?”

“Will God punish me for going through with it?”

“Will the Catholic Church grant the Annulment?”

“Is it MY fault, and will God see this as my fault?”

As I reflect upon these questions as a Christian therapist, I wonder how many of them (and others) have entered clients’ minds. I also consider how clients view themselves and if they potentially feel judged by God if they are contemplating the divorce process. Counseling, especially when you bring faith into the room, should be a safe, sacred space that allows you to process these questions and more.

BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF SCRIPTURE ON MARRIAGE

Genesis 2:24: “therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Matthew 19:6: “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate?”

Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you; whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Mark 12:25: “For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.”

The aforementioned Scripture places great value on the sacredness of marriage, and it seems common for those seeking Christian counseling services to question themselves, withhold information from a therapist, or potentially describe false information to his or her therapist. Some clients may initially “screen” their therapists to ensure they will not be judged during the therapeutic process if they decide to initiate a divorce. The questions are both theological and deeply personal, and the proper time and space should be given to work them out or to process the aftermath of decisions.

DRIFTING APART……

As I was studying Scripture pertaining to marriage, I paused on Daniel 2:43, as the words resonated with me:

“As you saw the iron mixed with soft clay, so they will mix with one another in marriage, but they will not hold together, just as iron does not mix with clay.”

I thought of my previous marriage, as there were many ways in which we grew apart. At the beginning of the relationship, many aspects aligned, but as time went on, those aspects “did not hold together,” and we were certainly not “mixing” anymore. This is my story, but yours may be different. The process of working this out and ultimately the final decision may differ for everyone.

Allowing God in Through Gestalt Counseling

I am a Christian therapist who sees the value of allowing clients to sit with their feelings as they process past experiences, as if those experiences were occurring in real time. I have been practicing Gestalt therapy with my clients since I was a counseling student and feel it can be applied to clients seeking a Christ-centered perspective in their treatment. Brownell (2020) states:

“In Gestalt therapy, the situational unit is a current moment with memory of the past and expectation of the future, but it is still the current moment. In that sense, there is a similarity with the transcendent nature of God.”

In Gestalt therapy, the Empty Chair and Two-Chair techniques invite clients into a sacred dialogue with their inner world, embodying different parts of the self or unfinished relational wounds to foster awareness, integration, and healing. With the Empty Chair, one imagines and speaks directly to an absent figure—such as a critical voice or lost loved one—in the present moment, allowing suppressed emotions to surface and find voice under the Shepherd's gentle guidance. The Two-Chair work deepens this by having clients switch between opposing inner aspects, such as fear and courage, promoting dialogue that mirrors God's reconciling grace toward wholeness.

Therapists’ prompts for deepening may consist of the following:

“How is God’s presence showing up for you in this moment, and what are you feeling in your body as you allow space for Him?”

“What is God presenting to you that you might want to say to the other part of you in this moment?”

“Describe how God would support you while you allow yourself to identify physical manifestations of emotions in parts of your body?”

As clients connect their feelings to thoughts and embrace the “here-and-now” reactions through guided techniques, inviting God into the process can provide further comfort.

At Hope Healing Counseling, individual Christian Counseling can help navigate challenges like divorce, and Christian Couples Counseling can help mitigate challenges as they arise. Reach out today. We would love to walk with you during these challenges.

References:

Brownell, P. (2020). Christianity and Gestalt Therapy: The Presence of God in Human Relationships. Routledge, p. 1-23.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. (2025). YouVersion Bible App.