How Shame Can Keep Christians Feeling Stuck In Their Faith Journey

Shame is a very human emotion that everyone has felt at some point in their life. Because it is such a painful emotion that carries a great weight, so many of us are prone to shying away from it when it arises. This is a natural response. But what is shame actually? And how does it impact our lives on a daily basis?

What Shame Is, What It Isn’t, And When It Shows Up

Shame is the distressing feeling of humiliation and pressure that arises after making a mistake or acting foolishly. This often results in profound emotional pain. Another emotion it is often mistaken for is guilt. Brene Brown–a renowned psychologist in the field of therapy–has written extensively about the similarities and differences between shame and guilt. She makes the distinction between the two, stating that “guilt is when you’ve done something bad,” and “shame is when you believe you are bad.”

Guilt is often what prompts us to make amends when we have done something “bad.” Shame, on the other hand, can leave us feeling stuck in the pain of our own insecurities, failures, and shortcomings. Guilt can bring us closer together, whereas shame only drives us further apart. Not only does this happen in our relationships with other people, but it can also happen in our relationship with God.

So, how does shame come up for us? There are plenty of instances where shame can appear in our lives: when we make mistakes, when we get rejected, when we do something embarrassing, or when we compare ourselves. Shame is also very common in places of trauma and abuse.

When we are exposed or vulnerable, the feeling of shame can encapsulate our entire being.

Sometimes, we haven’t even done anything “wrong” when we feel shame. Yet, shame often convinces us that we are “bad” because of what has happened to us, leading us to believe it is our fault.

This is a big part of what makes the trauma of abuse–whether emotional or physical–so painful, even when recalling the memories of it. Just as well as being deeply painful, shame can have the tendency to hang on to our spirits, bringing an intense weight with it. Think of this weight like a cinderblock. Imagine what it must feel like to carry a massive cinderblock around, either in your hands or in a backpack, shouldering the weight all day long. That is what shame does to us.

What Can God Do With My Shame?

Just as shame can isolate us from other people, it can isolate us from God. There are many voices in this world that contribute to the weight of shame. These voices can come from people who are supposed to be loving and supportive toward us but are not. Voices of our parents, our siblings, our significant others, or even our church family can contribute to the shame we shoulder in secret.

When we feel ashamed, we tend to hide from the world. The more ashamed we feel, the more we tend to hide.

But hiding only makes the pain stronger.

As Christians, you may have wondered things like, “Does God care about my shame?” or “Can he heal me from the pain of it?” or “Can I ever truly move on?”

When I think about how God deals with our shame, I am reminded of many stories in the Bible, but one in particular stands out: the woman who touched Jesus’s cloak in the Gospels. She was suffering from a chronic bleeding condition, which had branded her as “unclean” in Jewish society at the time. However, her faith brought her to Jesus in the midst of a massive crowd of people with the belief that a single touch of his cloak would heal her body.

Her faith is what drove her to Jesus, despite her shame.

The moment she touched His garment, she was healed physically and emotionally, and she found healing for the shame she had been carrying for 12 years. He says to her in Mark 5:34, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Jesus was able to heal her body and also remove the shameful identity that society had placed upon her. What society has labeled as “unclean,” or in this case, shameful, God has labeled as redeemed. He looks at each and every one of us and sees a child he dearly loves who bears His image.

He can transform our shame as we lean into our faith to put our pain into his hands.

A Path to Healing

If you are struggling with shame in your life, reach out to get connected with a counselor who can provide trauma-informed Christian counseling that is Biblically informed.